Nabisco aka Mondelez Answer

I received a response from the makers of fig newtons, oops I mean newtons. Delicious, delicious, newtons.

Even bimbos love them!

Here we go:
"Hi Punchie,
The supplier from which we obtain the natural flavoring will not reveal the exact ingredients to us, as they consider it to be proprietary.
We do require the suppliers to inform us if any of the following components are in the flavor so we can label them on the ingredient line:
eggs, dairy, celery, soy, treenuts, peanuts, wheat, fish, shellfish, seafood, gluten and sulfites.
Also, we do not include monosodium glutamate (also known as MSG), hydrolyzed protein (sometimes known as hydrolyzed vegetable protein or HVP) or autolyzed yeast extract under the term 'natural flavor' in the ingredient line.
What I can tell you is that if any of our products contains protein from a substance recognized by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to cause severe to life-threatening reactions in susceptible individuals, those substances are ALWAYS listed on the ingredient statement.
If you haven't done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!
Adele Stapley
Operations Manager
~~TLXEA_24493608~~Y"

Some of the things in this e-mail caught me by surprise. First, they think my name is Punchie, which is hilarious. Second, like Jelly Belly, they don't know what is in their products, but they made sure to tell me things I didn't ask for. Then they ask me to add thier website to their favorites, like I hadn't already done that! Did you miss the part where they make fig newtons? A manager got back to me, which makes me feel special and she has a last name, so there's a bonus.
Then, I saw this "~~TLXEA_24493608~~Y". What is that? Then, it dawned on me, it's a Fig Newton cypher. If I can figure out the secret code, I can get free fig newtons!
At least, I hope so, even though I might get the same flavor licking a beaver's rectum.

"Everyone loves my rectum."

Conclusion: They don't know what's in their own delicious snacks.