Thursday, October 22, 2015

Smirnoff

Smirnoff is the most popular vodka brand in the world. It began in Moscow, Russia, with a man named Pyotr Arsenievich Smirnov. Born a penniless peasant, Pyotr drank heavily and thought the swill he was drinking could be improved. He created his own distillery in 1864 and made better vodka, to get wasted on. Smirnov died a rich man, but unfortunately, he still died.

Drunks everywhere thank you.
Well, eventually, Smirnoff vodka was sold to a British company called Diageo. It might surprise you that Diageo is the world's largest distributor of hard liquor. So, I first went to the Smirnoff website to find any mention of castoreum, specifically their flavored drunk juice.I easily searched the Diageo website and found nothing about castoreum. How disappointing. Also, the Smirnoff website had nothing either. Hmm.... Maybe they don't realize how serious this question is. Anyway, I'll just e-mail them.
Interestingly, Smirnoff does not have a form to fill out, just an e-mail address. How strange.
Anyway, here's the e-mail I sent: "Hello, I was wondering if any of your wonderful flavored vodkas uses castoreum as a natural flavor. Thank you." I signed it as "Dr. Jacob Jones" just to sound fancy.
Hopefully they get back to me soon, if they're not all drunk.

Don't burn bras until you're drunk. Apparently.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Do you want to smell like a Beaver's anus?

I know, I know, it's been a long time. I'm sorry. However, I have not given up my quest to find something with beaver anus juice in it and sure enough, I found some. Disappointingly, it's not food, but it is something you put directly on your skin.
It turns out a lot of perfume companies use beaver butt juice to make their perfumes smell like, well anus secretions, I guess.
If you wear this, you wear beaver butt juice, cheap beaver butt juice.